What my first day as an intern taught me

This week is the National Association of School Psychologists annual conference, and it gives me all the feels. It’s so exciting to network with colleagues and learn. It also takes me back to when I was a new school psychologist, just starting my internship.

I’ll never forget it.

I was hired to do all of the mental health counseling for students in a high school special education program for students with emotional and behavioral disabilities. The psychologist before me ran groups—something I was looking forward to. It was my first day, and one of the teachers gave me a group of students to start with (a totally random group). She told me that the previous psych did it “this way,” so I took the students into my office and began my group without a second thought.

To make a long story short, my very first group counseling session as an intern ended with me breaking up a physical fight between two of the students. I wasn’t hurt, thankfully, but I was devastated. What was I thinking? I’m not qualified for this. I am going to get fired! All of these thoughts were running through my head.

I went home that night and cried, convinced I had chosen the wrong profession.

What I know today that I didn’t know then is that group dynamics—especially for teenagers who have emotional and behavioral challenges—are especially complex. It’s not something that can be easily taught in a classroom, but something you learn through experience. You learn which kinds of personalities will be explosive combinations and which ones are okay. It’s all part of learning to be a clinician—practical skills that come from time and experience.

I am so glad I didn’t quit or get fired that day. I’m so glad I kept going and learning. I think it’s easy to default to imposter syndrome and not give ourselves the grace we need to seek support and grow into the professionals we were meant to be.

If I could go back and say one thing to my younger self—or to someone just starting their journey as a school psychologist—I would say to keep going. To make mistakes and learn all that you can. One day, you will look back on this and realize it made you the clinician you are today. The world needs who you were meant to be.

To all the school psychs at NASP this week—enjoy, and have the best time!

Picture of me during my internship year (circa 2009/2010).